“Cheese heroin” is a blend of so-called black tar Mexican heroin and crushed over-the-counter medications that contain the antihistamine diphenhydramine, found in products such as Tylenol PM.
First of all, who’s on black tar heroin and thinks to himself, “I could really go for some extra-groggy heroin right about now.”
Secondly, why wouldn’t you just call it Heroin PM? Cheese heroin? Are you kidding me? I’m so glad that didn’t exist when I was a teen.
Drug Dealer: Hey kid, wanna buy some heroin for two dollars?
Teenage Me: Not really.
Drug Dealer: What if I told you it was cheese heroin?
Teenage Me: Ha! What is that? Like, cheese that gets you high?
Drug Dealer: Cheese that gets you super high.
Teenage Me: I’ll take ten, please. Thank you.
You know how kids get when they see balloons of cheese heroin.
Authorities hope to stop the fad before it spreads across the nation.
…Like delicious Philadelphia cream cheese.
…On a meth bagel.
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